Sunday, January 29, 2012

20 Weeks and Counting

At my 16 week check up my doctor noticed that my blood pressure had gone up drastically.  So she reviewed my blood pressure checks over the last year and half.  I was always in the range of 120/60 so when my blood pressure shot up to 165/105 red flags starting flying.  My blood pressure was not the only thing on the rise my protein levels were also raising.  My high blood pressure and raising protein levels put me in the range for being diagnosed with early mild preeclampsia. 
My doctor explained all the risk with developing preeclampsia at only 19 weeks.  I felt overwhelmed by all the information and the possibility of delivering a premature baby.  Anyone that knows me knows that I can tend to be a bit of a control freak (okay…who am I kidding I am a full blown control freak).  So when things happen out of my control I go into panic mode. 
I felt like my dream was being crush right before my eyes.  I felt angry at first but then I remembered I have God on my side. 
Letting go is hard for me.  My head tells one thing but heart screams another. 
I got down on my knees (which I don’t do enough) and asked God for help.  I felt an intense relief, I knew at that moment God was going to take over and I could let go.  All I can do is listen to the doctors and pray. 
This week my protein levels have dropped so I am out of the range for preeclampsia.  This news was truly a blessing. 
Believing in God is not hard for me but trusting is.  What if I ask and he does not answer with what my heart desired? I fear the unknown but I know God has a plan and I just need to listen.  So I going to be still and listen. 

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